Ultimately, he responds not because he doesn’t care about your relationship, but because, like it or not, his kids are his priority. But if he does respond, he might worry that he’s making you feel angry or unimportant. If he doesn’t respond to his ex’s calls for help with the kids, he might worry that they aren’t okay and that he’s neglecting their needs. It sounds like Adam is trying to please everyone and ends up feeling trapped. And when a person who doesn’t have firsthand experience as a parent becomes romantically involved with a divorced parent, he or she can struggle to understand the parent’s experience and the directions he or she is pulled in, both emotionally and logistically. There’s no such thing as Adam without them-that version of Adam simply doesn’t exist. He comes with his children, and his children come with their mother. While you want to be with Adam, you must understand that the person you’re in love with is somebody who has a family. But others will require you both to talk about your expectations in this relationship. Some of them are practical, which I’ll get to in a minute. I’m open to any suggestions and perspectives.Īlthough Adam’s ex-wife doesn’t seem to be handling things well-and I can imagine how disruptive her texts are-this is also an issue between you and Adam, and there are several ways to make this situation work better. I try hard not to feel like a victim in all of this because I understand that it’s my choice to be with him, but I can’t help feeling robbed of something that should be mine. Adam and I love each other deeply and cherish being in each other’s lives, but a shadow of the ex-wife seems to loom over and create tension between us. Adam knows how I feel and tries to handle these situations without hurting my feelings, but it’s really difficult to care for the kids while keeping the ex out because she has completely tied herself to the kids. Quite often she calls Adam hoping that he can “set them straight.” I’m certain that she’s the cause of all that chaos, because the kids never go out of control with Adam, and I’ve only seen them be pleasant.Įvery time Adam’s ringtone goes off, my stomach churns because I feel so violated and intruded on by her. ![]() The ex constantly sends Adam texts about the kids, from mundane details to complaints about their behavior. The kids’ main residence is with her, and Adam has the kids a few days a week. ![]() ![]() She attaches herself to every ailment for which she can find a symptom, and is on all kinds of medication. She doesn’t work, and she collects disability from the government and spousal support and child support from Adam. We seem to keep having the same fights about his needy ex-wife and the negative impact she has on our relationship.ĭespite my wish to appear mature and chill, I have a strong distaste for the ex-wife. I’m 33 and childless, and he’s 48, divorced, and the father of three kids. I’ve been dating Adam for two and a half years. Have a question? Email her at want to miss a single column? Sign up to get "Dear Therapist" in your inbox. Editor’s Note: On the last Monday of each month, Lori Gottlieb answers a reader's question about a problem, big or small.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |